Joke of the Day .....

[Ian A]

This is for fun only - answers at the bottom - don't cheat!!!!
 
 
 
 
 

 
Quiz for Bright People

There are only nine questions.

This is a quiz for people who know everything!

I found out in a hurry that I didn't. These are not trick questions.
They are straight questions with straight answers..

1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.

2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?

3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?

4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?

5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?

6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters ' dw' and they are all common words. Name two of them.

7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them?

8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.

9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter 'S.'



























Answers To Quiz:

1. The one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends: Boxing.

2. North American landmark constantly moving backward: Niagara Falls .. The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.

3. Only two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons:Asparagus and rhubarb.

4. The fruit with its seeds on the outside: Strawberry.

5. How did the pear get inside the brandy bottle? It grew inside the bottle. The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.

6. Three English words beginning with dw: Dwarf, dwell and dwindle...

7. Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar: Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation mark, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses.

8. The only vegetable or fruit never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh: Lettuce.

9. Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with 'S': Shoes, socks, sandals, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts.

PLEASE DO YOUR PART; Today is National Mental Health Day.

[Tim Watts]

Well being a self professed know-it-all with too much time on my hands......

1) Boxing i got - but what about gymnastics and dancing and any other sport judged by a panel?

2) I didn't get that one - i was instead thinking about http://hypertextbook.com/facts/ZhenHuang.shtml which kinda opens the floodgates on that whole question - but i guess it also brings into questions what its moving with reference to, I mean, if we're standing on mars as our reference then lots of things are moving, but that brings into question, if we can't see it moving then is it really moving at all - one to discuss over beer!

3) I got Rhubarb, i didn't get my favorite vegetable though :-(

4) It is indeed - i got that one.

5) I guessed that one - correctly :-)

6) 2/3 - Dwindle passed me by :-(

7) I was sat looking at a computer keyboard so i guess i cheated - but braces and ellipses were descriptions i was unfamiliar with.

This one got me stumped. And it should have been easy - grrr!

9) I had help from some guys here - i think we got them all as a combined effort.

Thanks Ian - killed an hour of a shift quite nicely. That'll be fuel prices up another penny! :-/

[Frank Hill]

Got a couple of them

Re Pear in a bottle, done the same myself with chillies to make chilli oil!

We really have got too much spare time!

[Ian A]

[Ian A]

[Ian A]

.........................

[Tim Watts]

What does a dwarf get if he runs through a womens legs?


...............?


................?


A clit round the ear and a flap across the face.

[Tim Watts]

My wife said that I only ever want sex with her when I'm drunk.

That's not true. I usually want a kebab as well.

[Tim Watts]

Ok, so we all know that the bloke with a 2" dick is called 'Justin'

but what do we call the bloke with the 1/2" cock?


'tintin'


haha - ohh how we laugh!

[mike leahy]

[quote="TimWatts" post=3688]Ok, so we all know that the bloke with a 2" dick is called 'Justin'

but what do we call the bloke with the 1/2" cock?


'tintin'


haha - ohh how we laugh![/quote]

i think you'll find his name is BUDGIE

[Tim Watts]

that was 1/2" not 12"

[Ian A]

WE WAS BRUNG UP PROPER !

"And we never had a whole Mars bar until 1993"!!!

CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL MY FRIENDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE 1930's 1940's, 50's, 60's and early 70's !

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us and lived in houses made of asbestos...
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese, raw egg products, loads of bacon and processed meat, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes or cervical cancer.
Then after that trauma, our baby cots were covered with bright coloured lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets or shoes, not to mention, the risks we took hitch-hiking.
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.
Take away food was limited to fish and chips,
no pizza shops, McDonalds , KFC, Subway or Nandos...
Even though all the shops closed at 6.00pm and didn't open on a Sunday, somehow we didn't starve to death!

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.
We could collect old drink bottles and cash them in at the corner store and buy sweets.
We ate white bread and real butter and drank soft drinks with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because........
WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when our Mother told us tea would be ready.
No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of old prams and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. We built tree houses and dens and played in river beds with matchbox cars.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo Wii , X-boxes,
no video games at all, or 999 channels on SKY, no video/dvd films,
no mobile phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms..........

WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no
Lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

You could only buy Easter Eggs and Hot Cross Buns at Easter time...

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them!
Mum didn't have to go to work to help dad make ends meet because we didn't need to keep up with the Jones's!
If they couldn't afford to buy a house (which the majority didn't) they rented, they took pride in the house and made sure it was clean tidy even though it was not owned by us it was "OUR HOME".

We were happy.

Not everyone made the rugby/football/cricket/netball team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!! Getting into the team was based on
MERIT

Our teachers used to hit us with canes and gym shoes and throw the blackboard rubber and chalk at us if they thought we weren't concentrating .
We can string sentences together and spell and have proper conversations because of a good, solid three R's education.
Our parents would tell us to ask a stranger to help us cross the road. The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of.
They actually sided with the law!

Our parents didn't use stupid names for their kids like 'Kiora' and 'Blade' and 'Ridge' and 'Vanilla' 'Tiger' 'Peaches' and no one was called Prince or Princess, Lady, unless they had a title. No names made up from word tiles.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL !


And YOU are one of them!
CONGRATULATIONS!
 
PS -The big type is because your eyes are not too good at your age any more

[Les Williams]

The guys from the club were on an extended meet. No one wanted to room with Mick, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Mick and came to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.

They said, "Man, what happened to you?  He said, "Mick snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."

The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.

They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful! He said, 'Man, that Mick shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."

The third night was Bill's turn.  He was a tanned, older caver, a man's man.

The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

"Good morning!" he said.  They couldn't believe it... They said, "Man, what happened?" He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Mick into bed, patted him on the arse, and kissed him good night on the lips.  Mick sat up and watched me all night."

[VickiCampbell]

[quote="Ian" post=3072][/quote]

:')

[VickiCampbell]